ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
