What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
