So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
