Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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