I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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