We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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