did you get engaged???
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
