Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
