oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
