its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
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Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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