My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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