I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
