So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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