Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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