I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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