the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
