If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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