I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
