I can text with my tongue
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
