If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
