just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
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Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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