I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
