Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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