member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
