Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
