Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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