Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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