I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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