She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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