Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
