i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
