Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
