youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
