shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i think i just lost a toe
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have post one night stand depression
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