I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
