6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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