fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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