Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
