sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
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its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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