If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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