why didn't you poke me back
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
