I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
