If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
