I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
