Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
