so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
