hotel room ftw
The maid of honor just puked.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
