i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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