Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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