i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ladies don't puke and tell
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
