I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
