There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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