Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she looked like the before picture.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
