Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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