You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
high people should be assigned attendants
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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