9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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