actually, I'm a sock model
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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