I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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