good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I could fuck to npr.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
