Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
