Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
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I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
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This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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