My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
