Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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