He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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