my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
