There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
