I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
