so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
