Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
