you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
