1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
