I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
