i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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