You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
