I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
