i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
