i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
