I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
