Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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