That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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