Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
