Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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