haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
