dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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