My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
