You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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